Wednesday, April 1, 2009

and D for Different.

No matter how special, great, beautiful, name it, Women tend to feel different the minute they get divorced.
Not necessarily bad different, it might be good different yet the different feeling itself would affect many choices, relationships and would cause some awkwardness.

I don't mean to add to the cons of being divorced (in case someone is still considering taking the step), It's just that the meaning hit me today as i was rewinding certain occasions in my head.

How much value would we give, and what is the price we would be willing to pay for the sake of not being different.

Some might choose not to break the chains of corrupted marriages, some might hide the fact that they are divorced and some might rush into any marriage just to be accepted among the norms and never be called the D word...Different.

I never felt it in the early days after me, divorce was the last gate towards me, divorce was a natural instinct to give ME freedom and happiness.
I felt different months after, when my married friends refrained from being around me...when married friends felt reluctant to share stories about family outings and anything related to their husbands...I felt it when - the few that did talk - chose to talk about how unhappy they are and how marriage sucked and how lucky i am that I'm free.

I didn't stop to get blue about it...I was so overwhelmed and indulged in my own new status/ struggle...I was so exhausted shaking away every worry about the possibility of making a mistake for leaving a bad husband as all i saw was as bad or worse.

I have to confess that this feeling created a soft spot in me...being treated as normal gained so much value and i, now, feel way flattered if I am treated normal...I just discovered today that it is a weakness in me now.

I felt too flattered ( out of my mind actually ) when i was seen and treated as a single pretty woman, while i don't feel that, honestly i don't...hmm... i feel I'm a woman of course :D but, you know what i mean!

I wish the realization has stopped there, but because I'm talented in self proclaim, It led me to question, how come i allow such an effect, how come i let how i look in another person's eyes add to my value...It's irritating actually ( regardless that i appreciate the person) to feel external value added instantly from other people's giving...because it equals that i would feel less about myself whenever i meet someone who sees me as old and ordinary and ...Different.

I don't know what to do exactly with such awareness except try giving it more grounds...meanwhile...I found a few different friends...and i found amongst them some unique people that i might have not been fortunate to meet if i were still normal.

Yes, Normal is good in a has the same sense of security routine gives to a child.

but, everything good comes with an equal - if not more - price...being normal, or being different.

It's accepting the rules of the deal that matters.


a divorcette said...

i am a narcissist! i love being different, i would do crazy things to be looked at as different!

correction... we feel happy when we're looked at as "different"... you were not viewed as normal, you were viewed and even appreciated for how beautifully different you are! efhamy

that's what makes it special :)

Unknown said...

In our society: being different is always equivalent to being weird, be it in a social scope or else.

All in all you are right that it is nice to be a "norm" and it is also nice to find other "weirdos" like you and me (me classified as weird a lot) and others.

nice post! :)

Rasha* said...

Depends ba2a on the situation i guess.
Well, an educated amongst a village of ignorants is good different...while it's not if it was the other way around.
You my dearest have a different style, mind, attitude in a good way so of course I and you and the other gal would want to be as different amongst too many silliness and dumbness.
and yeah :) i was viewed in that particular incident as a good different :) yet, i was also viewed as normal in a great's just a feeling :$

Goog, weired wasn't the extent nor the type i refered too ya goog although i agree on your point...and naaaaaaaaa you're not're just different ;) :D

Rhonda C. said...

I have been divorced two times. I also have been in a long term relationship that ended with him leaving unexpectedly after 11 years Divorce is very hard. I think back in the day women stayed in situations that were intolerable because of a lot of the things that society imposed. Women often didn't have the funds to leave and if they did, it was hard to find a happy respectable way to live life. This is so different now.

I just went through another divorce of sorts. It is strange because this happened from a distance and it happened with the third statement....I divorce you. It is an Islamic divorce. What happend if you are not Islamic and you get divorced Islamically? Kind of strange huh?