Sunday, November 30, 2008

An overdue apology and a comeback!

I admit that I have abandoned this blog for a very long time. For that, I apologize. I have been overwhelmed by how society and the system fail to bring justice to those who need it. I guess for a while there I forgot that the main purpose for that blog was to try and change how unfair society can be and how lame the system is, even if all I did was write words for people to read.

Around a week ago, Jessyz wrote that brilliant post that inspired me and reminded me of this blog and its purpose. Jessy suggested that there should be a better support system for women undergoing divorce to help them out of bad marriages and help them overcome its shocking consequences. A good idea that needs an action plan if I may say; I have to say, it spoke to me and made me more enthusiastic about wanting to make a difference, like when I wrote my very first post on this blog.

Surprisingly, three days ago, a friend I made through blogging contacted me asking for “legal advice” for her friend since I come off as somewhat experienced as far as crappy marriages go! Although my “advice” was barely useful from a legal perspective, my friend said that it had a positive impact on her friend’s mood and that it made her less intimidated by the whole thing. The thought that I had something to do, even as minor as it is made me believe again that there is something that can be done; it somehow retrieved my faith in the power of words, not that I reall lost it.

Last but not the least, my dear friend and blog partner, Rasha, sent me message asking me to stop slacking around and start working with her on that blog. God bless you girl :)

So here are a couple of things I wanted to say as at Jessy’s but I guess I was afraid I would come off as rude to any of her commenters…

Women in our society need a support system, a valid one that makes them feel accepted rather than condemn them for their choice to end a bad marriage. It is quite understandable why any society would frown upon divorce; however, intimidating women and labeling them for wanting a misery-free life is not the answer to happy stable homes. I would like to believe that providing educated unbiased advice would do more good than bad, even if the outcome is “ab3’ad al 7alal”.

A support system does not mean by any chance that women are naturally weak. Women are not weak; it's society that insists on weakening them by locking them in narrow perceptions made by false understandings of how things should be! If anything, women possess more strength than this society gives them credit. Assuming that women are weak, or are constantly seeking sympathy is condescending and demeaning.

Generally all humans tend to seek approval from their peers, and when in pain, some of them find comfort in the average amount of sympathy; nonetheless, at some point sympathy could become the reason why some people would prefer to suffer silently rather than admit their need for support. I believe that some would mistake a constant cry for help, or a need to be understood without being judged as a non-ending thirst for sympathy! It’s not; at least not all the time.

Yes, there are exceptions, but exceptions should never become the norm; we can’t assume that every woman is faking a drama to get attention just because a few other women did! It would be extremely unfair and cruel to deny women in need the help we could possibly give my accepting and supporting them just because we have doubts about their motives. After all, there are ethical norms that should guide each marriage, and each divorce for that matter; and failing to maintain those norms could be the responsibility of both partners, but it is also fairly easy to see when one partner is wronged by the other, genders aside.

That being said, I would like to invite all women, as well as men, who feel that they are stuck in “bad marriages”, who happen to be in the midst of a long divorce procedure, or who have gotten a divorce and have problems adjusting. You’re definitely not alone, and trust me, it’s a phase we all go through day in and day out to survive and it is ok, there are good days just like there are horrible ones. Feel free to share your experience anonymously either on this blog or through email, and be assured that sharing your experience can help others realize that they are not as alone as they might think; perhaps that would be a way to start changing society’s perceptions, who knows!!

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

What is After...

Sometimes the tiniest thing to you is a huge deal to others and it takes only a moment for you to realize you're being looked at in a whole different way than you'd ever imagined.

Because - normally - people differ, after divorce they differ as well; yet I believe every man/ woman who has been struggling to get out of a miserable situation called an unsuccessful marriage or a sad one feels a certain type of if a breakthrough has just been accomplished and as if life has suddenly shaken every cell of them to a new vivid existence.

It's like you've been held captive and suddenly you break the chains and your free.

Some people fall into depression because of fear of the unknown overwhelming upcoming phase or...because they were hesitant and really didn't want a was a pride pit they fell into or they were pushed towards it.

And to take this a little bit further on the personal side, I had experienced the former...and the latter...God, I'm complicated! anyway...All can be handled...with time...except for people.
Especially If you're someone like me who - just a few years ago - began to blabber anything on my mind without thinking who'd say what.

After is gonna be lonely.'re gonna be judged.
After...preassumptions will try to run your life.'re gonna double power to survive.'re gonna miss the simplest things...maybe would look at the empty seat next to you and miss occupying it instead of taking the stirring wheel.'s gonna be cold...and i have no idea why people in my situation tend to deny it than admit their humanity towards it...It's only sensible i think!

masalan, I think it's only natural for a woman who spent years in the company of a man sharing a life (regardless what that man was like) that would feel empty and lonely without a companion...and by "A" i mean the feeling not the person behind he could be a total Jerk yet, and because men give that, give you the sense of, the natural feelings men give women.
I believe it's weired not to miss that...I believe a woman doesn't feel complete without a man and that goes the other way around. so, expressing that - to certain minds - equals and without a doubt that a woman is either a horny bitch or that she still loves her ex and she shouldn't have left him!!

Well, I believe anyone who is deprived intimacy for a long time should be horny...or else something is wrong with them...but it's whether they turn to bitches or not is what counts.

And women/ men who think highly of themselves...respect their feelings...cherish and treasure their bodies and spirits won't be cheap no matter how painful it gets.

Now, it is draining to try to explain myself every second of the day...and, it is contaminating to lock me up inside a cocoon and shut up...push away friends and create barb wires around me just for the fear of saying or doing something "improper".

So, and because we are - supposedly - adults and responsible...let us all be tested...let life teach us to throw away lameness...let my mistakes and other's teach me something more big than what has been said over and over and over for centuries now.

To experience my life and people's lives as they are and maybe, just maybe something richer will blossom in me.

Truth is, I fear people...but that melts away when i let my instinct rule towards someone i feel their goodness and kindness...too bad those - who don't fail that expectation - fail another sometimes.

Still, as universal knowledge...I'll take whatever it long as it's real...

And that should be what is after...

**My posts represent my personal opinions and doesn't necessarily reflect the blog owner's.