Sunday, November 30, 2008

An overdue apology and a comeback!

I admit that I have abandoned this blog for a very long time. For that, I apologize. I have been overwhelmed by how society and the system fail to bring justice to those who need it. I guess for a while there I forgot that the main purpose for that blog was to try and change how unfair society can be and how lame the system is, even if all I did was write words for people to read.

Around a week ago, Jessyz wrote that brilliant post that inspired me and reminded me of this blog and its purpose. Jessy suggested that there should be a better support system for women undergoing divorce to help them out of bad marriages and help them overcome its shocking consequences. A good idea that needs an action plan if I may say; I have to say, it spoke to me and made me more enthusiastic about wanting to make a difference, like when I wrote my very first post on this blog.

Surprisingly, three days ago, a friend I made through blogging contacted me asking for “legal advice” for her friend since I come off as somewhat experienced as far as crappy marriages go! Although my “advice” was barely useful from a legal perspective, my friend said that it had a positive impact on her friend’s mood and that it made her less intimidated by the whole thing. The thought that I had something to do, even as minor as it is made me believe again that there is something that can be done; it somehow retrieved my faith in the power of words, not that I reall lost it.

Last but not the least, my dear friend and blog partner, Rasha, sent me message asking me to stop slacking around and start working with her on that blog. God bless you girl :)

So here are a couple of things I wanted to say as at Jessy’s but I guess I was afraid I would come off as rude to any of her commenters…

Women in our society need a support system, a valid one that makes them feel accepted rather than condemn them for their choice to end a bad marriage. It is quite understandable why any society would frown upon divorce; however, intimidating women and labeling them for wanting a misery-free life is not the answer to happy stable homes. I would like to believe that providing educated unbiased advice would do more good than bad, even if the outcome is “ab3’ad al 7alal”.

A support system does not mean by any chance that women are naturally weak. Women are not weak; it's society that insists on weakening them by locking them in narrow perceptions made by false understandings of how things should be! If anything, women possess more strength than this society gives them credit. Assuming that women are weak, or are constantly seeking sympathy is condescending and demeaning.

Generally all humans tend to seek approval from their peers, and when in pain, some of them find comfort in the average amount of sympathy; nonetheless, at some point sympathy could become the reason why some people would prefer to suffer silently rather than admit their need for support. I believe that some would mistake a constant cry for help, or a need to be understood without being judged as a non-ending thirst for sympathy! It’s not; at least not all the time.

Yes, there are exceptions, but exceptions should never become the norm; we can’t assume that every woman is faking a drama to get attention just because a few other women did! It would be extremely unfair and cruel to deny women in need the help we could possibly give my accepting and supporting them just because we have doubts about their motives. After all, there are ethical norms that should guide each marriage, and each divorce for that matter; and failing to maintain those norms could be the responsibility of both partners, but it is also fairly easy to see when one partner is wronged by the other, genders aside.

That being said, I would like to invite all women, as well as men, who feel that they are stuck in “bad marriages”, who happen to be in the midst of a long divorce procedure, or who have gotten a divorce and have problems adjusting. You’re definitely not alone, and trust me, it’s a phase we all go through day in and day out to survive and it is ok, there are good days just like there are horrible ones. Feel free to share your experience anonymously either on this blog or through email, and be assured that sharing your experience can help others realize that they are not as alone as they might think; perhaps that would be a way to start changing society’s perceptions, who knows!!


jessyz said...

You know I seriously think this blog would benefit from being bi lingual. Arabic would add a totally different depth to it. You could also consider adding a forum for people to talk to not just posts and comments. Finally if you could find a lawyer who could post about legal rights and answer questions it would be super.

Anonymous said...

wll congatulation on this blog i am gonna read it all as i am againest men and marriage thats why i am gay
the other thing do u mind write arabic posts
i am tiered from reading english all the time :(
yalla good luch

a divorcette said...


hehe your request is definitely forwarded to my dearest Rasha... she has strong legal background and she writes much better Arabic....

el keyboard ma3aki ya Rasha... ahoh ya setty el talab 3aleiki ;))


welcome to the blog :)

like i stated on the sidebar of the blog, this is neither a pro-divorce nor an anti-men blog; it's just a space to help people like Rasha and myself by giving moral support...

nonetheless, enjoy the posts while Rasha and i work on the whole more-Arabic thing :)

jessyz said...

And posts about talking to your kids about divorce, helping them deal with it and things like that too. There's a lot of this kind of thing online but none of it is Egyptianized.

a divorcette said...

yeah... u know i kinda think our society makes it harder for divorce children because of the way divorce is viewed as a tabboo, and because it is very common to see the "bitter woman" cliche who constantly badmouthes the father....

thanks Jess, keep the ideas coming :)))

rasha said...

WoW and LOL
Today will never be forgotten...several things are impressing me :)
ya divorcette ya gameela, let's keep the ball rollin'
and regards to all the ladies and gentlemen out there who needs an insight and/ or support.