Wednesday, November 12, 2008

What is After...

Sometimes the tiniest thing to you is a huge deal to others and it takes only a moment for you to realize you're being looked at in a whole different way than you'd ever imagined.

Because - normally - people differ, after divorce they differ as well; yet I believe every man/ woman who has been struggling to get out of a miserable situation called an unsuccessful marriage or a sad one feels a certain type of liberty...as if a breakthrough has just been accomplished and as if life has suddenly shaken every cell of them to a new vivid existence.

It's like you've been held captive and suddenly you break the chains and your free.

Some people fall into depression because of fear of the unknown overwhelming upcoming phase or...because they were hesitant and really didn't want a divorce...it was a pride pit they fell into or they were pushed towards it.

And to take this a little bit further on the personal side, I had experienced the former...and the latter...God, I'm complicated! anyway...All can be handled...with time...except for people.
Especially If you're someone like me who - just a few years ago - began to blabber anything on my mind without thinking who'd say what.

After is gonna be lonely.
After...you're gonna be judged.
After...preassumptions will try to run your life.
After...you're gonna double power to survive.
After...you're gonna miss the simplest things...maybe would look at the empty seat next to you and miss occupying it instead of taking the stirring wheel.
After...it's gonna be cold...and i have no idea why people in my situation tend to deny it than admit their humanity towards it...It's only sensible i think!

masalan, I think it's only natural for a woman who spent years in the company of a man sharing a life (regardless what that man was like) that would feel empty and lonely without a companion...and by "A" i mean the feeling not the person behind it...so he could be a total Jerk yet, and because men give that, give you the sense of belonging...warmth...security...well, the natural feelings men give women.
I believe it's weired not to miss that...I believe a woman doesn't feel complete without a man and that goes the other way around. so, expressing that - to certain minds - equals and without a doubt that a woman is either a horny bitch or that she still loves her ex and she shouldn't have left him!!

Well, I believe anyone who is deprived intimacy for a long time should be horny...or else something is wrong with them...but it's whether they turn to bitches or not is what counts.

And women/ men who think highly of themselves...respect their feelings...cherish and treasure their bodies and spirits won't be cheap no matter how painful it gets.

Now, it is draining to try to explain myself every second of the day...and, it is contaminating to lock me up inside a cocoon and shut up...push away friends and create barb wires around me just for the fear of saying or doing something "improper".

So, and because we are - supposedly - adults and responsible...let us all be tested...let life teach us to throw away lameness...let my mistakes and other's teach me something more big than what has been said over and over and over for centuries now.

To experience my life and people's lives as they are and maybe, just maybe something richer will blossom in me.

Truth is, I fear people...but that melts away when i let my instinct rule towards someone i feel their goodness and kindness...too bad those - who don't fail that expectation - fail another sometimes.

Still, as universal knowledge...I'll take whatever it is...as long as it's real...

And that should be what is after...



Disclaimer:
**My posts represent my personal opinions and doesn't necessarily reflect the blog owner's.

4 comments:

Mohamed ElGohary said...

I sometimes feel that marriage is like an equation with variables you control and other variables you have to deal with, and in the end of the day you accept the result or choose not to accept it.
An expressive post. Stay well :)

Rasha* said...

It's not zay elbatee5a ya3ni if that's what you mean...but I agree that we have the choice to call it off once it fails to meet our needs or expectations.
Stay well as well :)

a divorcette said...

eh ya rasha!! eh el disclaimer da!!! i am not the owner of the blog, i am the co-owner, and you're the other co-owner :)))

rasha said...

i Know enek generous, understanding and gameela but i also know that i tend to be on the waqe7 side so...
lel2e7teyat 3ashan i wouldn't offend u abadan abadan :)