No matter how special, great, beautiful, amazing...you name it, Women tend to feel different the minute they get divorced.
Not necessarily bad different, it might be good different yet the different feeling itself would affect many choices, relationships and would cause some awkwardness.
I don't mean to add to the cons of being divorced (in case someone is still considering taking the step), It's just that the meaning hit me today as i was rewinding certain occasions in my head.
How much value would we give, and what is the price we would be willing to pay for the sake of not being different.
Some might choose not to break the chains of corrupted marriages, some might hide the fact that they are divorced and some might rush into any marriage just to be accepted among the norms and never be called the D word...Different.
I never felt it in the early days after divorce...to me, divorce was the last gate towards survival...to me, divorce was a natural instinct to give ME freedom and happiness.
I felt different months after, when my married friends refrained from being around me...when married friends felt reluctant to share stories about family outings and anything related to their husbands...I felt it when - the few that did talk - chose to talk about how unhappy they are and how marriage sucked and how lucky i am that I'm free.
I didn't stop to get blue about it...I was so overwhelmed and indulged in my own new status/ struggle...I was so exhausted shaking away every worry about the possibility of making a mistake for leaving a bad husband as all i saw was as bad or worse.
I have to confess that this feeling created a soft spot in me...being treated as normal gained so much value and i, now, feel way flattered if I am treated normal...I just discovered today that it is a weakness in me now.
I felt too flattered ( out of my mind actually ) when i was seen and treated as a single pretty woman, while i don't feel that, honestly i don't...hmm... i feel I'm a woman of course :D but, you know what i mean!
I wish the realization has stopped there, but because I'm talented in self proclaim, It led me to question, how come i allow such an effect, how come i let how i look in another person's eyes add to my value...It's irritating actually ( regardless that i appreciate the person) to feel external value added instantly from other people's giving...because it equals that i would feel less about myself whenever i meet someone who sees me as old and ordinary and ...Different.
I don't know what to do exactly with such awareness except try giving it more grounds...meanwhile...I found a few different friends...and i found amongst them some unique people that i might have not been fortunate to meet if i were still normal.
Yes, Normal is good in a way...it has the same sense of security routine gives to a child.
but, everything good comes with an equal - if not more - price...being normal, or being different.
It's accepting the rules of the deal that matters.