Tuesday, September 15, 2009

ثمن الطلاق

لطلاق بيدفع ثمنه اتنين، الرجل ماديا، و الست أدبيا... حريتها بتقيد لآن الناس بتحطها تحت الميكروسكوب و بتراقب كل تصرفاتها و تستنالها على غلطة... الست العاقلة لو اطلقت لازم تتجنب أي مجال للشبهة و تراعي تصرفاتها بدل المرة عشرة"

يا ســلام، و جي على نفسك ليه، منخليهم مليون مرة! ماهي اصل الست المطلقة دي فاضية و ماواراهاش حاجة، "صايعة" من الآخر!!!

وريني راجل واحد في المجتمع ده دفع ثمن طلاق كان هو السبب فيه، سواء ماديا أو أدبيا!

بلاش، وريني ست واحدة اطلقت و الناس سابتها في حالها و رحمتها من تعاطف كاذب أو اتهام بانها هي اللي معرفتش تحافظ على بيتها!

و بالمناسبة السعيدة دي، يا ريت نعمل يوم قومي للتضامن مع الأطفال اللي اهاليهم مطلقين، زي يوم الطفل اليتيم كده... ولا لأ انت ماقلتش ان الأطفال بيدفعوا أي ثمن، هو فرح؟!

أنا مش بنكر و لا بقلل من معاناة الرجل بعد الطلاق خصوصا لو كان هو الطرف المظلوم... لكن خلينا نتكلم بموضوعية و صراحة، ده مجتمع "ذكوري متعفن"، رجالته و ستاته يتعاطفوا مع الراجل اكتر بكتير من الست... و مش فاهمة لا ليه و لا عشان ايه، اعمل ايه، محدش راضي يشرحلي!!!

عشان كدة البوست ده هيبقى تضامنا مع الستات اللي اتظلموا في حياتهم الزوجية و اطلقوا (معلش يا رجالة، تقدروا تبعتوا اي حد من طرفكم يكتب بوست عشانكم)

اما الآن، الى المجتمع "القذر" (مش كلمتي):

اشمعني المطلقة يعني؟؟ ماهي لو واحدة مش كويسة كونها متجوزة مايمنعش اطلاقا اي تصرف غلط! و على فكرة بقة، مفيش أي طريقة نعرف ايه اللي في دماغ اي حد، عشان كده بلاش نتكلم في اللي مش فاهمينه!

أنا مطلقة...

بقولها بصوت عالي و مستعدة احط صباعي في عين المجتمع نفر نفر...

هو مين في المجتمع كان عايش معايا و لا حاسس بيا لما كنت عايشة كل يوم بشك في قيمتي كإنسانة؟ احساس لا يوصف اني مهما فكرت و حاولت معرفش اشوف نفسي جميلة أو كويسة لأن الراجل الوحيد اللي مسموح ليه يقوللي كدة بيعمل كل اللي يقدر عليه و زيادة عشان يشككني في نفسي! و لأ مطلقتش عشان كل اللي يشوفني يقوللي اني حلوة و لا يحسسني بانوثتي!

أنا اطلقت عشان ارجع احس اني بني آدم...

و بتعفرت لما حد يحاول يكلم الأخت الأنثى اللي جوايا، لأن مع علمي بمدى ترسخ المعتقدات "القذرة" اللي في مجتمعنا بأن المطلقة "رخيصة"، اي كلام موجه للأنثى بيجبلي نوع نادر من الأرتيكاريا و ساعات بتعامل كأني اتشتمت مش اتجاملت... و دي من العقد اللي جاتلي من العيشة في المجتمع ده!

رجوعا لموضوع اللآدامية... هي مش بتقل بعد الطلاق... بالعكس، عن اجربتي الشخصية، أنا بقيت بحس بالناس اكتر بعد ما اطلقت... في حاجة بتتغير في الواحد لما بيمر بأزمة توجعه كله و تعدي... بيتعلم ان اخوه أو اخته الموجوعين محتاجين نفس المعاملة الآدامية اللي كان هو أو هي محتاجنها... ف ليه بقى نستخسر الآدامية دي ف اللي محتاجنها؟؟ للدرجة دي بقينا وحشين؟ اخص!!

للكلام بقية... أنا جالي أعراض اكتئاب من كتر التفكير في الكلاكيع دي و كمان الكي بورد انجليزي بس غير ان العربي بتاعي يكسف (ايون، أنا عارفة انه يكسف)...

البوست الجي انجليزي!

9 comments:

Maddie said...

my arabic is worse than yours so i`ll comment in english...

fisrt off: people dissing divorced women are getting less for one simple reason, each family has at least one divorced woman it wouldnt look good for an old lady to talk bad when her own daughter is divorced.

2nd:idk who u quoted but it sounded like a man. and men in egypt will always try to find a fault to make us feel inferior. it is plain fact because men are insecure.

and last i`m one of those kids that have divorced parents and it was the best decision mom took.

so if sb gave u crap? your thumb squishing his eyeballs is rather satisfying:)

a divorcette said...

sorry, it takes me ages to access this account *shame!*

although your points 1 & 2 are valid, they don't exactly change anything about the beliefs of the person who said that quote and what he thinks society believes!!

yess, he is a man; strangely enough, a very kindhearted and loving man who has a divorced daughter, and perhaps that's why he's terrified of his daughter being judged against the very same cruel standards he keeps repeating.... life is ironic, no?

i too do respect your mom for raising someone who's mature enough to appreciate her mother's choice :)

and yeah, my finger is ready for all the eye-pocking there is ;)

Chavazelle said...

Kol da wel 3araby beta3ik mosh kowayess?? Da ente hazza2tini ana w kol ragel fel balad de :D haha

Anyway, this is my 1st time to run across this page.. I am not sure if I liked what I saw.

Awalan, 2esm el blog ra2e3 be kol el maqayees. Bgd remarkable quote luwa7do.

Saniyan, TAKE IT EASY. You are making the same mistake you have blamed the society for. Mosh 3agbik en el mogtama3 mekabbar mawdoo3 el tala2, tayeb ma ente kaman mekabbarah. Law el mogtama3 fel far right, fa 7adretik fel far left, w ento el etneen motatarrefeen w radicaleyeen. Eih ya3ne motallaqa? Fiha eih?? Only 'cause you are divorced does not mean you are a whore zy ma el mogtama3 motasawwer, w bardo does not mean you are a victim zy ma ente motasawwera.

El mogtama3 3abeet, chayfik set kowayessa while you are married, w all of a sudden ba2eti set we7sha after you were divorced. Mogtama3 zy da mosh el mafrood tahtammi be nazreto liki. Tozz fe 2om el mogtama3, 2emma te7awli teghayyarih aw teshelih men demaghik khaless. Ente la bet7awli teghayyarih wala kharragtih men 7ayatik. Ente faqat beteshtemih w da shee2 mo2sef. 3aref enno mogtama3 motakhallef, laken howwa da mogtama3i w mogtama3ik, w e7na mas2oleen 3nno!

Salesan, men yoom ma soot el settat ba2a 3ali, wel balad de bazet.. bazet aktar. El settat beyrakezzo w 3andohom 7a2 w mante2 fe mo3zam kalamhom, laken el moshkela el 7a2i2ya enohom beyetkallemo be tari2a zy el zeft. Dayman kol elly shaghelhom how to piss their opponents off. 7adretik 3andik weg-het nazar manteqiya geddan, laken betektebi el kalam elly yedaye2 el reggala elly talla2o meratat-hom aktar ma betektebi kalam ye3abbar 3n weg-het nazarik. Lel 2asaf el shadeed, 90% men reggalet Masr ba2o yetkallemo be nafss el tari2a. Kol el kalam hadafo el ra2isi en el nass tedaye2 w tet3aknen. Men kotr ma el settat betetkallem fel balad de, el reggala ba2o bey2aledohom fel kalam. Add some objectivity to this blog and you are gonna rock. Just stop taking things personal.

Rabe3an, you are a great person..

"أنا مطلقة...

بقولها بصوت عالي و مستعدة احط صباعي في عين المجتمع نفر نفر..."

Again, you are a great person. Be 100 ragel wallahe. A7la 7aga fel post da en behind it there is a strong person.. w de 7aga el mafrood tekhalliki mabsoota. You lost a husband, laken you apparently did not lose your confidence.. w that is something you can start over with.

Khamesan, 3ayez a3axik.. tab3an mosh 3achan el kalam el fady elly fe demaghik ente w mogtama3ik en el motallaqa rekhisa.. laken 3achan el tari2a elly betetkallemi biha mekhalliyani 3ayez ashed "el okht el onsa" elly gowaki men sha3raha.

N

a divorcette said...

Chavazelle,

mmm, my keyboard still does not have arabic letters, so i will reply in English... it's not arrogance, it's just that i hate using arabic in english letters for long phrases, it hurts my eyes... oh, and i don't think i owed you an explanation, i just enjoy my use of words!

awalan, esm el blog da was chosen by a male friend of mine, i mentioned it in the side bar with a link to my friend's blog!


Saneyan, it's easy for you to take it easy; you're young and you're a guy!! i don't mean to be condescending, but what do you know about how trapped a person like me would feel in a conservative family that actually worries about society way too much to afford letting their divorced daughter have her fair share of breathing room!!!

do you think i care about the society?? i don't, it doesn't even cross my mind to look around me to see who's watching my actions!! but my family cares because they believe that if you ignore society, it gets back at you for it, and in accordance, they make my life harder!!!

i am not an extremist like you make it sound! i've been called radical because i reject the stupid social rules, and yes, i call this society ridiculously dumb by all means... eshra7ly enta ezay kol 7aga fel mogtama3 beta3na betet3emel fel dera madam el wa7ed/wa7da 3amleen mo7tarameen oddam el nas... it's disgusting and appalling!! and i am willing to change society, i am not afraid, it's just that i haven't figured out how yet, once i do, you will see change!!!

i didn't say en el nas bet3amelny as if i was a whore, i said en my family worries that i'd be looked at that way if it seems like i am having much fun and that the divorce is not making me as miserable as expected!! and i am not a victim, i never said i was... i have been wronged, that i know, but i refused to be a victim and fought for my freedom.... i don't want people offering me any kind of help or showing me sympathy...

a divorcette said...

salesan... i am not a feminist, but i can understand how women became the way you describe them, although your description is rather sexist and extreme!!! do you know how many man abuses his wife emotionally (and i am not even talking about physically yet), do you know how many man misquotes religion to cheat on his wife??? i have seen strong women break because of men abusing their power and because this sick society let them!!!! if you don't understand the anger and frustration stemming from such injustice, then my advice is, wait until you've been wronged... garab tetzelem gamed we matla2eesh 7ad yakhodlak 7a2ak... hat7ess be ghadab gamed, haykhaleek 3ayez tekassar kol 7aga le7ad manta kaman tanhar gamb el kharab elly hate3melo!!!

if you know anything about me, you'd know it takes a lot to get me on the offensive side... in arguments, i keep most of my words to myself and i hold back until i can do it no more.... and even then, i weigh every word i utter because i know i can't take it back... what i wrote was an angry reply to what i have been told (the quoted text elly fel awel)... again, do you have any idea how it feels when you're 28 years old, and have your own 2 children, and then someone tells you that you can't go have iftar out with your friend because she's divorced we manzarko ento el 2 we7esh wento mettala2een we khargeen... walk one mile in my shoes and then tell me kalamy beydaye2 el reggala!!!!

and i repeat my challenge, wareeny ragel wa7ed bas bey3any nafs el mo3anah nateeget tala2oh we wareeny hay3abbar 3an mashaklo de ezzay!!! men find distractions because they have enough space, but women are forced to dwell even when they really couldn't care less!!!


rabe3an, alf shokr ya seidy! ana 3arfa en i am string we 3arfa eny be 100 ragel... it's not always flattering and it's not easy... and this just emphasizes that i would never think of myself as a victim, i am stronger than that!!


khamesan, i have a strong urge to tell you my most famous comment, but i am not sure you'd get it right... so i will just tell you i am way out of your league to "te3akesny"! and el onsa elly 3ayez teshed sha3raha de teksar eidak abl mat7awel aslan!!!



that was a long comment and my tone was just reflecting yours; it's how i work really!!

so2al ba2a... ba3d kol da, what do you think is the best way to change the perceptions of this faulty society, walla bardu bete3mel zayy, betantaqed we bas???

Chavazelle said...

Bossi.. e7na fe mogtama3 chayef en it is okay to rape a woman as long as she walks around be lebss dayya2 aw 3eryan. Mogtama3 zy da leeh nahtam be ra2yo? Ma tokhrogi ente w sa7betik w teftaro barra, w t-have-o as much fun as possible, welly mosh 3agbo yekhbat raso fel 7eta. Erdi Rabbena, w erdi nafsik, w erdi ahlik, inama terdi el nass leeh?

Meen 2allik en el ragel mosh bey3ani men tala2o? You think enno your ex never misses you? You think enno he never misses the kind of life you were giving to him? You think enno he never misses having a house, a family and A WIFE? Chayfa en mafish 7ad bey-blame him? Chayfa en he is going on with his life as if nothing happened? El ragel beyetla3 dino 3achan yetgawez fel balad de, fa lamma yekhsar el gawaza de, bel ta2keed hay7ess e7sass bashe3.

Elly ente mosh wakhda balik menno en this society allows you to complain 'cause you are somehow expected to be angry and broken. Laken, on the other hand, mosh hayesma7 le your ex abadan enno ye-complain, la2en el mogtama3 mosh mo3taref be 7a2 your ex enno yekoon howwa kaman za3lan w maxour. Hal yagro2 your ex enno ye3mel blog zy da? Ofcourse not! El mogtama3 yedba7o. El nass edetik el 7a2 ennik te3abari 3n ghadabik, inama maddoosh nafss el 7a2 le your ex la2enno ragel w mosh el mafrood el tala2 yekhallih za3lan. A77a, mosh bani2adam da bardo?

7adretik mo3taqeda en el reggala mosh bey3ano men el tala2, la2ennohom yafandem ghsb 3n deen abohom lazem yektemo mo3anat-hom gowahom. Inama you, women, can bitch about it all the time.

Law your ex is not suffering now, yeb2a ana mosh bafham 7aga. I can't put myself in your place, sa3b 3alayya afham e7sass wa7da set, laken I can put myself in his place, w a2dar afham what he is going through.. w ba2ollik en mafish ragel wa7ed mosh bey3ani men tala2o, w don't you dare argue about that.

El set fe baladna there is someone be estemrar watching over her. Inama el ragel law howwa ma 7amash nafso be nafso, haymoot. El set te2dar teb2a da3ifa without having to worry about it. Inama el ragel law da3eef, el nass hatdoos 3aleeh. El nass elly 3amlali 7esab wana qawi haydoso 3alayya law fe la7za ba2et da3eef, inama 7adretik be montaha el basata te2dari teb2i da3ifa w hatla2i gambik elly yesnedik.

El nass fe baladna bet3amel el set ennaha 7ayawana ma3andahash karama, w bet3amel el ragel enno machine ma3andohosh e7sass. Law chayfa en el settat mazlomeen marra, fa wallahe el reggala mazlomeen 1000 marra.

We have to build this society, not to bring it down. It is brought down already. Neghayyar el mogtama3 da lamma nekhateb 3o2oul el nass mosh 3awatefhom. Nekallem el nass bel mante2 wel 7a2, mosh bel naqd wel shetima.

Law 2olteeli, "El tadkheen we7esh, ta3ala nechoof badeel lel sagayer", yemken asma3 kalamik w afakkar abattal sagayer. Laken law 2oltili, "Aiwa, khallik keda dayya3 se77etak w felosak fel hebab elly beteshrabo da!", hadrabik w haddakhan aktar men el awel. Same goes to the soceity, nedawarlohom 3ala afkar badila lel afkar elly fe rass-hom, mosh nefdal ne2ollohom, "Ya bahayem, ya motakhallefeen!".. 7atta law homma fe3lan bahayem w motakhallefeen. Laken dool ahli w ahlik, w maloosh fayda enno e7na nedaye2hom w ne3aknenhom w nefakarhom en el nass tala3et el 2amar w e7na hena lessa ben2ool reda3 el kabir w bool el rasool.

Fa egabti 3ala so2alik: Afkar badila lel afkar elly fe rass el nass.

N

a divorcette said...

ok, you're still not getting the exact picture... it's like we're two deaf people describing the same thing but we can't hear each other!!!!

i don't care about what this society thinks... i do care about my father being at ease nonetheless (3ashan yehemmeny eny ardeeh)... sadly my father as much as he knows i am a good person, he worries about what others in this society might think of me and how it might reflect on me, so he makes things harder out of utter concern... i love him but i resent his fear although i understand that he cannot help it... do you see why it is frustrating!!

meen 2allak eny mesh 3arfa en el reggala bey3anoh!!! i might have specified to support women in this blog because let's admit it, women suffer more emotionally, perhaps because like you said, they are allowed to!!

i have always known how hard life is on men! i was always grateful i didn't have to worry about deciding my future because i know i have my father to fall back on if things go wrong! thinking how my father must have felt, seeing my father all through my life doing the best he can and more without even showing how strained he must have been... i might have never noticed it as a child, but as a grownup, i look back and remember that i have only seen my father weak because of me; like when i had that accident, or when he was giving me away to my x, or when i was left in the surgery room for an extra hour after birth or when he was trying to talk me out of the divorce and struggling with his own pain because he hated my x for hurting me!!! other than that, my father was a ROCK, and because of my father and men like him, i still have faith in men, i still have faith that my two sons have the chance to grow up and be better than their father and all the other men who lie and cheat because they simply don't appreciate the blessings they have until they lose them...

don't even try to make me feel sorry for a man who had done all he could to make me love him then took all the time he needed to break my heart!!! a man who lies and cheats and then makes you doubt your own senses does not deserve any compassion when he comes to his better senses and regrets his loss; he chose the loss!! i never blamed anyone for choosing the wrong man, and i he does not get to blame anyone for losing a home, a wife and two wonderful kids...

yes, i know he feels bad, bas it doesn't change anything... i am not saying the marriage fell apart solely because of him, bas he was the last straw... and the man complains all the time to real people!! at least when i started the blog, i gave people the freedom to choose to read what i write or click away!!!!! he whines to everyone including myself!!! mesh kol el reggala 3andaha mashakel fel ta3beer 3an da3faha!!

we be monasbet el da3f... did you actually envy women for their weakness!!! are you serious??? weakness is a horrible feeling... i have felt it and nothing feels worse!!! so when you say women are lucky to be able to show their weaknesses, you lose me... and fyi, in real life, i a more like my father, i never show weakness, i keep to myself... bas because i am still a woman, i must let it out, so this blog is my outlet... and i don't see why you see it negatively though, because this was never the plan, if you read far back you might see that!!!

both men and women are blessed by default, and they should normally complete one another... but somewhere along the line, our society messed up and this is what we have, angry people, i am personally one of them....

eh el afkar elly bet2ool 3aleeha, ya3ne maho badeehy en we need to replace those rotten beliefs be 7agat sa7!! bas did you mention eh heya!! gebt el tayha!!

yes, smoking is bad for you, the first step of quitting it is to know that is is in fact bad for you.... how can you change wrong beliefs if you don't acknowledge that they're bad... i think tabtabna 3ala nafsena keteer awy, we need to call things with what they are now if we actually want to change them!!!

الشنكوتي الكبير said...

من فرحه بالطلاق في البوست اللي قبله
لإصطدام في الواقع الخاص بالمطلقات في بلدنا او في بلاد تانيه كتير
اقولك حاجه شفتها في فيلك اجنبي زمان عن واحده مطلقه كانت بتقول ان حتى اصدقائهم راحوا مع زوجها لأن مينفعش يفضلوا اصدقاء للطرفين الأصدقاء اختاروا الطرف القوي عارفه ليه علشان هو مش محتاج تعاطف منهم او دعم مادي او دعم معنوي حتى بالتالي الوضع معاه اسهل ده في المجتمع الأمريكي المتحضر
ما بالك بقى بمجتمع اصلا كل فكرته عن الست انها ست يعني ست ومتستناش من الست لا علم ولا فهم
متطلبش منها غير انها تبقى ست وخلاص
متستغربيش من ده
وللأسف ده بتشجيع من ستات كتير مش كويسه ولأن كالعاده سلة البيض طازه لو فيها بيضه او اتنين فاسدين هتقلب ريجة المحل كله مش السبت بس
حاجه كمان عايز اقولها في نقطة مين بيدفع التمن ومين بيخسر اكتر الحقيقه انها مش الست ولا حاجه
ايوه اللي بيدفع الثمن هو الطرف الضعيف راجل بقى او ست او الأطفال مش شرط المهم ان الضعيف هو اللي هيشيل الليله غصب عن بوزه
يعني الست الضعيفه هي اللي هتبقى مطلقه ومعرفتش تصون بيتها وتلاقيها ماشيه مع واحد تاني وتلاقيها اصلا غبيه وسافله
ولو الراجل اضعف شويه هتبهدله هي وعيلتها وهيبقى في نظر الناس حيوان ومقدرش النعمه اللي معاه وهيخسر ولاده وفلوسه وحياته كلها
ولو الراجل والست ولاد جزمه اقويا ومعندهمش رحمه هتلاقي كل واحد عايش حياته بالطول والعرض والضحيه الولاد اللي محدش عايز يشيلهم كله عايز يعوض نفسه وينسى مسؤليته


انا اعرف واحد كان متجوز واحده تقرب للإهام شاهين الممثله ولما اتطلقوا اخدت شقته والعفش وطبعا بالقانون وبهدلته في المحكمه واهانات وبعد شويه طلع في دماغها تاخد كمان شقة والده اللي ابوه وامه عايشين فيها وفعلا بالرشاوي والمحامي الفزيع بتاعها سففت الراجل التراب
هو يستاهل طبعا انه جري ورا جمالها برغم انها شخصيه زباله من زمان واهله نصحوه ميتجوزهاش لكن ده مش موضوعنا
الفكره ان القوي هو اللي هيكسب

انتي عليكي تختاري تحبي تكوني قويه ولا تبقي الضحيه

سلاااااااااااااااااااااااا
اخوكي ايهاب

Uouo Uo said...


thank you

سعودي اوتو