On Love, Men, Women, and Generalization

Apparently, love is a universal thing, and it goes without saying that both men and women feel it; isn’t this how they justify a lot of things, especially the irrational ones!! However, I think men and women fall in love and react to it differently. My idea could be some form of generalization; I hate generalization, but let’s admit that it helped a lot of thinkers in figuring out some acknowledged facts about humanity.

I already referred to men before women because of the alphabetical order, but when it comes to my own theories, I will start with women, since I think I know more in this department.

We women build our worlds around our men. Whether we are in love or married, whether we married for love or through arranged marriage, we always priorities them. We stop having our own dreams, and we stop pursuing the plans we once had. WHY?

Is it because this is what society tells us? I know it may sound a little feminist to say that, but I assure you, I am not a feminist!

I can only speak from my own experience here. When I fell in love, I had no eyes for anyone but him; I had no opinions or logic other than his. I chose to make him my eyes and my mind. But when my marriage started falling apart, I questioned my x, I was not afraid of his authority although I was raised by a strict father who allowed no room for me to question his logic or reason, not just because he intimidated me, but also because he provided me a good life, gave me the security and stability I needed. But when the other male figure in my life took away my notion of a good life, shook my stability and ruined my sense of security, I had every reason to rebel against him.

Nonetheless, there was a huge mental and emotional drawback once things started falling apart. It felt like my development had stopped at the age of 19, when I first knew him, and I woke up at the age of 26, wondering where I have been for the past seven years! In addition to my shock, disappointment and confusion, I had to do seven-years worth of catching up. It was painful, and it left me wondering if it was the right thing to do shutting myself away and letting him take full control of my life.

I am not saying we shouldn’t; if some women have done it and found it worth its while, it must leave room for reasonable doubt that nothing is wrong with that. But when it is done for the wrong man, it’s a recipe for failure and a long journey of self doubt, which may not result in self finding.

I wish more women would come and share their experiences, for I spoke of mine, which I found somehow similar to those of some people I know.

Now the men, they never put their women first, NEVER. I have talked to so many of them, and no one, not one said they put his woman first. I know my father never did, I know none of my uncles ever did, I even know my male friends did not, and I am talking about men whom I respect, men who did not fail their families. My x said he put me first all the time, and well, he lied.

The good men say that they put their spouses first by putting their career first, by focusing on providing a better life. I can’t disagree much because I know and understand the burden on men to provide and maintain a stable household. But this leaves the rest of the work to the woman; not just the house responsibilities, but also keeping things alive. It’s a hard job by the way, and if some women lose their heads or fail to keep the marriage interesting, well sorry men, you can try, but I don’t think it will work any better for you.

Yeah, my ideas are too general and not so organized. But isn’t this what we go through in life on daily basis; chaotic general assumptions.

So men, women, tell me… did I make any sense?? If I did not, what makes sense to you??

For the time being, to the women out there, I can only try to give you an educated, yet unbiased advice.

Follow your men, love them, support them, and stand by them… but so not ignore your instincts, do not numb your senses or ignore alarms. Do not stop growing… empower yourselves, educate your selves and make sure you’re walking on solid grounds. Your man can never find that intimidating or threatening, no good man would, whatever a good man is.